Monthly Archives: June 2008

After all’s that been said and done, I’m still me, paranoid and insecure.

I did some self-reflection on the long journey to work. It was an extremely emo ride, exacerbated by the lack of sleep. I don’t know why I’m at work now when I barely slept and my mind’s somewhere else.

Best Bud said I’ve been in many relationships but I can’t maintain and make them last.

It all boils down to my insecurities and the lack of confidence in myself. I need to stop myself from having bouts of insecurities almost every single day, when there is not much cause or basis for such feelings.

Someone (is it hy?) said before that being insecure is not attractive. I can’t agree more.

Insecurity has always been my downfall and I won’t let it get me again.

I suck as a gf and I haven’t been a good one at all all this while.

Baby, baby baby, be with me, okay? I need to deal with this inherent problem that has been bugging me for a long time and I can’t do this on my own.

I still want to be that gf who irritates the shit out of you, says “Why are you…I don’t know, I don’t know” and gives you massages. You mean so much more to me than I could ever express.

And could we do supper tonight cos I don’t think I have the time to grab dinner?

Iloveyou.

 

I accidentally deleted all my smses and it leaves me with a pang of regret and sadness.

Friday the 13th.

She said if we’re gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don’t hide the broken parts that I need to see
She said like it or not it’s the way it’s gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me

Jason Wade says it all.

I need to be stronger for you, us and myself.

Afterall, nobody said it was easy, Chris Martin tells me.

But for now, I wanna run.

Away.

Lately I don’t feel quite like myself. What’s “myself” anyway? I don’t really know actually.

I hate cramps. It feels like my uterus is being sucked out or something.

The phone’s spoilt too. I’ve lost my photos and messages. Fuck.

Losing it, losing my ability to articulate and write.

Saying “fuck” is the new way of articulation.

Fuckkkkkk. The “k sound” for emphasis.

Bye.

I’m sick of  being shoved in and out of trains like dirt with a shovel.

I’m sick of having to catch the  bus, only having to catch my own breath later.

I’m sick of having hunger pangs while at work.

I’m sick of people speaking in weird and fake accents.

I’m sick of being told how to look and behave.

Okay, I’m sick of ranting.

Back to work.